The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
