just come out here and I will go home with you...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I tried to get the guy I like to āspit shakeā on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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