just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
