I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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