apparently the secret to your success is patron
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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