drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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