Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
