dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
4 words: hood of his car
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
