It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
