I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
