I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
