Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
