5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
