i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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