Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
