I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
