Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
