Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
