1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize