it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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