I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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