sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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