My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
