im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
