I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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