I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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