I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
