smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
