Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
