All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize