The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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