i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
