theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
