The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize