Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
