In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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