everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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