My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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