he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
