I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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