Ketchup is God's man juice
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
