I'm gonna have a badass scar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
