The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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