his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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