The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
