CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
