Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
