Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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