i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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