I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
