so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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