i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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