Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize