And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
