KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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