I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize