I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
