I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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