Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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