Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Randomize
