STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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