I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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