so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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