Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize