How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize